KUSH SESSION (Episode 4) WITH MARTIN BECK NWORAH

You are welcomed to another edition of "Kush session". For this
session,I will be talking about a problem that has been disturbing me
for the past 90 years. Lying on top my mat (I urinated on my foam,so I
sent it out to dry)I though about the Bollywood and Hollywood love
movies and I just fall in love with them. I always enjoyed the scenes
where they dance and hold hands in the snow and rain. How they sing
and dance around in front of their friends and parents. How they hold
each other so close that they can feel their own breath. Its just so
romantic. They will romance and after that,everybody goes home;nobody
says in a low tone,"baby please its already coming out...abeg help me
this once,you wan make I spoil my soap?". And during birthday
parties,the type of gifts they exchange make you want to fall in love.
Imagine how they chill out on the beach and sun bath...I loved it so
much.
So that got me thinking. I needed a girl in Unizik who would show me
that kind of love. A girl that will come to house,sing with me,dance
with me and after that,she goes home without any thing
happening...really? So I decided to try my luck. The first girl I met
was at Ifite school gate last saturday evening. After a brief
introduction,I told her I needed a girlfriend that will do all those
sweet things in Bollywood movies with me. She looked at me,sighed and
simply asked,"and you will crown it all with that thing abi"? What she
didn't know was that I don't last long. Just 5 seconds is enough(just
saying...a trial will convince you).
I decided to have a blind date with one of these temp site babes I met
on badoo. Suffice it to say that the pictures I saw of her large
factory and other things really inspired me(inspiration for this side
kwa?) I spent close to 7,000 naira on that day hoping to at least just
'touch'. I finally convinced her to go with me to my house. Little did
we begin our special fire session and I realised the 'things' used a
push-up bra....Jeeeeeeeeeeez. After all these excitement!!!! It was
looking like a fried egg...flat and loyal....chai!
My frustration knew no bounds and right now,I'm thinking of joining
the band wagon of Sen. Yerima and find my own 15 years old. I'm
converting to Islam right now and if you have any suggestion or advice
for me,make sure you keep it to yourself.


Till our next session,I remain sincerely your brother in Kush Republic
MBN, reporting for USN.