As the keke came to a halt at Garuba square, my ears were retuned to focus on DJ Drew's blasting music that hot afternoon. I walked through the gate while greeting my peeps at Social Sciences and went straight for the buses lined up after Destiny Pots. Before I got there, I saw the usual queue in front of Destiny Pots ATM and one guy who was impatiently waiting for his turn to withdraw. "Make una do this thing fast naw, person go build house for der?" He would shout from his position at the back. Something tells me someone is waiting for him at his lodge and he needs the money to buy Bullet Vodka, Chivita yoghurt and that other thing I have forgotten the name.
"Martin Beck...MBN...Martin Beck Nworah". I heard someone shouting my name from behind and I turned to see who. It was Linda, my 300 level friend from Psychology whom I promised to take out last weekend. She walked up to me and as usual, I stretched out my arms to be hugged into her soft bosoms and wrapped in the sweet sensual sensation of her beautiful soft skin. That never happened. "You ehhh, everytime you will be behaving as if you have money, ordinary take out you cannot take somebody...a whole SUG PRO...tufiakwa gi". I slowly brought down my hands and in a similar sarcastic manner I replied,
"It won't end in taking you out, you will also come and wash my clothes, cook, clean the house, make my bed and be the bed if you know what I mean". We laughed, exchanged pleasantries and she continued her journey down school gate, she promised to call later in the day and fix me up. I agreed.
When I got to the buses after Destiny Pots, I found one that had only three occupants at the back and I placed my Heartbeat Magazine in the outer front seat while waiting for someone to stay inside. Less than two minutes, a tall and fair looking lady walked up to me and asked, "hello, are you only one in the front?" while pointing at the front seats. My eyes were focused on those things Phyno told Unizik guys to avoid looking at in his "Connect" song and I was lost. Her figure and tight clothing brought out her full beauty and evidently, she had the right things in the right places. Tall, well built, packaged front and back and in less than 10 seconds, I was already asking her to be my wife in my mind. "Hello. Are you the only one in the front seat?". It was at this point that I returned to reality and I simply nodded. She slowly turned, adjusted her mini gown and entered the bus. For the first time in life, I swore in my heart, if I don't get her number and chat her up in this bus, then I'm not Martin Beck Nworah, the author of Diary of A Unizik Babe.
I adjusted the collar of my starched white shirt, brought out 1k from my wallet and enter the bus. I gave her a quick look and smile, she returned the gesture. Chai...guy...I don hit my jackpot na godwin. The driver tapped me and requested for his usual #50, the lady stretched out her hand to give him #100 and I held her back, "I will pay for you". I gave the driver the #1,000 note and he gave me a long look with a deep hiss, "Idiot, go and find the change yourself, are you paying for the whole of Unizik?". The lady simply smiled and said, "let me handle this, driver take my #100 for the both of us". Her voice was out of this world, it was a combination of Celine Dion and Nicki Minaj, I don't know how that worked out in my brain though.
The driver steered the bus into motion and as we passed Marvellous junction, I wasted no time in engaging her in a little chit-chat. She had already given me the green light so why I won't I go ahead. "I'm Martin, friends call me Beck and my surname is Nworah". She giggled at my introduction and nodded. "I'm Danie" .
"Danie like Daniel or Danielle?" She went for the former and I almost asked her if she was a half-cast. Of course she must be one. When we got to Miracle junction, 'dem boiz' stopped the bus and wanted to collect their usual 'baba ijebu fee'. The driver insisted that he had paid them for that day and they said no. "Bia papa, weta your money or iparkia one side, aga m akpo men here oooo". After much hesitation, he finally gave them the money and was causing under his breath. I cared the less, I was targeting something at that bad road which began before former Winners Chapel, around Somtochukwu lodge.
Immediately our bus got to the potholes, the driver started battling with his steering and throwing us left, right and centre. It was a perfect opportunity for touching body and I utilised it very well. I repeat, very well. Her perfume is still oozing out of my body as I type this...chai. After Emmanuel Lodge, we entered the normal tarred road and she gave me a smile, I believe she knew what I need. Well, seems like she liked it anyway.
"So...errrm, I'm organising an event on the 12th of December for UNIZIK students tagged #ZikitesUSNConnect and I'll also dash out copies of my book, Diary of a UNIZIK Babe and give out copies of a magazine I will release in November, will you be interested in coming?"
"What's the event all about?" She quizzed me.
Someone alighted at 5 Decken and rushed immediately to hold a guy by his belt, he was shouting, "so guy, you think say you fit die my money and disappear abi? If you no pay me today, we go naked ourselves here". As that was playing on, one lady on bum shot and feminine singlet approached the guy that just alighted from our bus, whispered something into his ears and smiled. He left the guy he was holding to a fist fight and walked in with the lady. The driver laughed hard and steered the bus into motion.
"The event is meant to bring all Unizik students who read my stories, the SUG blog, our pages on Facebook which I handle as the PRO of the union and most especially, those who join in our hashtag conversations at night to an evening of fun, games, comedy, dance, chops and freebies at Fayrouz Spot Ifite by 6:00pm on 12th December. I will also give out copies of my book and my magazine that will be published in November. I am looking for adverts that will be on the mag in case you have something you want to place on it. The rates are very cheap and the print quality is excellent."
"Hahahaha...Beck, I only asked for a summary and you gave a full lecture, that's nice. Is the event for ...." She was interrupted by the driver.
"2nd market ano na motor aaa? 2nd market?" The driver shouted as the boss of the arena and we all kept mute. "Oburokwa anyi pasia this place mmadu asi na oga apu ooo"
"So as I was saying Beck, is the event for free?"
I beamed with smiles at the fact that my conversation has got her fancy and in my happiness, I knew I was making some progress. In my mind, I was already counting my village elders that will follow me to deliver drinks at her father's house to be my wife. "Well its not free, but its going to be worth it and at a cheap price. With all the things I and my team is putting in place, it only makes sense our party folks support with a little ginger."
" I support you shaa" she said while nudging my shoulder. "But it should be around 1k or less, you know its a fun thing naw and its for students."
"Of course it will less than that or at that amount, I will call everyone who is coming for the event and inform them when the time is right. Its our thing and I don't think anybody won't love the idea of getting free books, magazines, chops, drinks, fun, comedy and games at that amount. Its worth it."
At this point, a voice from the back shouted, "Bia driver, change this music naa, what do you mean by "I want your body sleeping in my bed eehhhh...end time tinz."
We all burst out into laughter and looking at Danie, I totally agreed with Wizkid on that track because that's exactly what I wanted. The lady that shouted about the song alighted at 1st Market and I stopped feeling guilty that I may end up in hell.
"So if one wants to attend this your 5 star party or event, what will the person do?"
"The dress code for the evening is white and to attend, all you have to do to get an invite to this banging event is to send your name and phone number as a message on Facebook to this click https://m.facebook.com/
As we got to Arroma junction, I saw Dennis standing at the corridor of Apple Studios, I am owing him #70 because he completed my money to pay for swimming when we went to swim at Best Western (Meloch) Hotels the previous Saturday. As I hid my face to avoid him, he had already sighted me and started yelling, "Oga MBN...bros Beck..Martin Beck, how far you naw?" I waited for the bus to get to the gas station before I turned to give him a wave of "I'm coming back". Thankfully, my beautiful 'sisi' beside me didn't notice what happened. I smiled.
"ABS, Ecobank, CBN, Juhel, FirstBank, Regina, Elite...onye obuna get ready oooo, I don't want any insult from you people ooo."
"Bia driver take it easy biko, are we fighting with you?" A voice retorted from the 3rd row at the back. Some people hissed while others were glued to their phones.
"Can I have your number? I will be alighting at Regina" I said to her with a soft voice I have never used in my life since I first drank MacDowells."
She smiled again, gave me a straight passionate look that made my heart sink. She had natural blue eyes and this seductive gaze that could make you sign off your 10 years salary in her name. I waited to see her take the phone from my hand but she pushed it back at me. In a soft tune, she drew closer to my right ear and said.
"I'm engaged. I will be getting married in three weeks time. I actually came to Awka to give my girlfriends their "asoebi" clothes. Here's my invitation card in case you want to attend the wedding, you seem like a nice guy. I will introduce you to my husband and he will advertise his company in your magazine. Just tell him any amount and I'll make him sign it off for you."
Brothers and sisters, at that very moment, I woke up from my dream.
©Martin Beck Nworah (MBN)
P.R.O
Office of Public Relations, SUG.
******************************
#ZikitesUSNConnect event loading...send your name and phone number to our inbox at www.facebook.com/uniziksugnews.usn for an invite. Fun. Dance. Music. Comedy. Games. Freebies. Chops! Date:Dec.12! Time:6pm! Venue: Fayrouz Spot Ifite! (Ignore if you've sent in yours) Dress code is #White . The event is specially for all Zikites here. Don't be left out. Come and have fun with your FB friends and see those who comment on your posts and the others who refuse to like your pictures.
hahahahahahhahahahhahaha. Nice one MBN
ReplyDeleteLOL...dreamer... I'm so coming for your event
ReplyDeleteWas he dreaming
ReplyDeleteLolz
U neva start
U ain't serious martin
ReplyDelete#unizikholidayturnedpunishment